Let me be honest here, I can be a bit intense, and lately I have been personally and intimately challenged by the Lord to begin learning how to glorify Him in the daily trials. And in the spirit of honesty, me say that today specifically was kind of a whatintheworldjusthappenedandwhyiamtellinganotherpersonoffkindaday!
So here it goes, an up close and personal snippet of my inner battle:
6:30am late wake up to a text from my mom, not a big deal, but suddenly aware of how much hasn’t gotten accomplished while I was sleeping
6:45am I walk downstairs to ask Jeremy about his thoughts regarding the text, babysitting, and another question regarding our oldest child. His reply doesn’t help (sorry, honey, a rare moment indeed!) and I nervously reply on my own while guzzling my first cup of coffee.
7:00 Annalee wakes, any possibility of serenity is shot
7:15 unintentional guilt-trip text received, shared with Jeremy, bickering commences (#letthegoodtimesroll)
8:00 I call Jeremy who has now left for work to continue bickering, because I don’t know how to leave well enough alone #prayformyhubby #maybeabittoohonest
930 leave for art class with Annalee asking me for the 5,000th time if I’m happy. #doilookhappy!?
10-12 the most serene part of my day. Thank you, Keri, for today’s art class!
12:30-1:30 Jeremy called, Annalee ate lunch and the napping process began, which KILLS me. Getting Annalee down for any nap is about as painful and time consuming as giving birth to her. It takes an hour and a half to her her take an hour nap and I have to wonder if this is even worth it
2:30 I wake up from trying to get Annalee down and am totally irritated at the time lost. This is painful. And there are too many voicemails from too many people that for some reason I am convinced need to be addressed now.
3:00 FiNaLlY ~ I drop to my knees knowing that the real issue, the heart of this issue, is that I did not begin my day with the Lord. I woke up late. I began the day rushed and focused on the things of this world. I never determined to glorify God, to edify my family and to show the love of Christ through the trials of the day. Naturally that should be the intent of all Jesus followers; however, if time is not set apart, if we are not purposeful in this effort, if we do not intentionally communion with our Savior and Redeemer then the possibility of glorifying Him becomes almost impossible.
As I sat there, considering my views, frustrations, speech and conduct my heart was broken. I have the gift of laying down with my youngest daughter twice a day while rubbing her back, which is precious and should be valued. I have a mom who loves the Lord, her family and her daughter to pieces. I should be honoring her in all moments. Yes, I also have a rebellious hard-hearted teen who hurts my heart at times, but I was also a rebellious, hard-hearted teen who hurt my mother’s heart at times so perhaps I should remain humble in my love for her and trust that I serve a faithful God who can captivate her heart.
Yes, as I reflect on my day, I am thankful that I serve the God whose grace is new any moment that I am willing to surrender my broken spirit to His will. I am thankful for the Biblical reminder that I am God’s masterpiece and am created to glorify Him. I am humbled in knowing that I am not bound to the sin of my morning, but am forgiven. I am in awe of the convicting power of the Holy Spirit, am blessed by time in prayer, and am gently humbled by the Word of God. I began my day in pride, anger, tension, and self-will; I end my day in gratitude, humility, conviction, and forgiveness. I pray that fewer days begin the same, and that more days follow the latter.